The first rule in my book when it comes to online and real life dating is safety! Safety exists in numbers. No, you do not need to drag your friends to your date unless you absolutely want to, but it is a good idea to meet in a coffee shop or some other peopled space. I enjoyed coffee dates as my first dates, because they were inexpensive and easy to end after an obligatory half hour if it became clear that he was not who he seemed to be, or we just weren't clicking. I scheduled the dates for around five p.m. since that meant dinner was an easy and natural extension of the date if things were going well.
The second rule is to make the decision after three dates. The decision is whether or not enough chemistry existed to continue dating towards the goal of relationship down the road. Three dates allows both parties a chance to get to know each other enough to make up their minds about one another, and to rectify a bad first date with two good dates. By date number three, my gut was fairly certain which guy would be a further go or no. To keep dragging it beyond this number without acknowledging if both parties felt a spark would be detrimental: think of the other people you could be meeting instead!
The third rule is to not settle. I am not and never have been a fan of the “greener grass on the other side” theory. I am a fan of the not settling theory however. The difference is that you don't “settle” with Mr. Right Now while attempting to meet Mr. Right. It's not fair to you or your partner. Everyone deserves the chance to be happy. That chance is narrowed when technically you are off the market. Know what you want and go after it!!
The last and final rule is to simply enjoy yourself and have fun!! Getting to know people is an experience in itself. It will reveal much about yourself. You may be pleasantly surprised to find how many nice people ARE out there, even if s/he is not the right one for you. At least nice ones exist right? Do not invest yourself, your time, or your money, unless that person has shown over a lengthy period of time that s/he is worthy of you.
Once the first date is done with, the rest of the normal dating rules apply. Be forthright, but hold back the skeletons in the closet for your 30th date perhaps. By the way, children are NOT skeletons. The fact that you kissed a high school teacher you had a crush on back in the 80s when you were drunk on your graduation night is a skeleton. The fact that you were a hundred pounds heavier two years ago is ambivalent history. The fact that you have children is a truth. Truths can and should be told very early on when dating.
Do not be clingy. If s/he said they'd call and they haven't, don't wait by the phone. Go out and have fun! Truly enjoy your own company. I viewed dating as more or less a fun distraction from stressful work days and it seemed to work well. The most powerful aphrodisiac I've discovered thus far is to be happy with one's self. If you are happy with you, then there is no reason why the other person would not be. And if they aren't - then move on! There are plenty of fish in the sea.
My motto, for when you are dating or not, is one oft quoted on Hallmark plaques, but surprisingly on point: live well and laugh much. You are the sundae - everything else, dating, love etc. - is the topping. Cherries and hot fudge undeniably add to the ice cream, but no one ever said that without those things, ice cream can't be good on its own. Be the ice cream.
